the dog that i’ve been watching likes to sleep with his tongue out, i think its a comfort thing.. i tried it, but its not as comfortable for humans i think. although i do remember having a babysitter who when she smiled she’d pop her tongue out too… i always loved looking at her smile, and remember trying to imitate it, but it wasn’t me. i think it’s an 80’s thing.
speaking of comfort… my lack of it seems to be overwhelming me lately. although my romance with the Lord is heating up quite sweetly, actually… its funny the places i’m taken to. my dear friend jean reminded me that when you are in a place of trust you have to walk to it with courage… which sucks. i think i gladly forgot about the courage thing, and really focused the trust ideal. courage can be so awkward. trust is far more gorgeous and appealing… i begin to wonder… that’s all… why am i here? why here?
i took coltrane for his nightly walk and at the end of the street some kids were starting to set off fireworks… i started to stand mesmerized by the sulfuric smell and crazy messy shapes only to get ripped out of that dream world by this terrified dog running as fast as his will would allow in the other direction… he was dragging me along so fast i felt like i was flapping like a flag in the wind, sort of frantic and embarrassingly cartoonish… then my minds light-bulb flicked on and i realized the answer to something that i’ve been curious about in the past: on a horribly windy windy windy day i remember seeing a little teeny dog being walked by its owner and wondering why it doesn’t just fly off and dangle wildly at the end of the leash, leaving the owner playing tug of war with an invisible bully… but the little teeny dog had the will and determination to follow his owner, as hard as it was, and as unlikely as it seemed to be, he followed where he was being lead…
yes, i am taking lessons from dogs now. i never wanted things to be easy, or comfortable, or lukewarm even… i like the gritty growing stuff, i hope it never stops, even more i like bonding with God. listening to music together has been what we’ve been doing, we have more in common than i thought… sometimes He plays me songs on my ipod that i never knew were on there. beautiful songs too… sometimes i think i can hear Him best in music, and He has such good taste, i really would follow Him anywhere. as unlikely as i am, as windy as it may get…
