not even noon on a monday morning, and i’ve already has an entire hour of being shit on.
Lord, how are we supposed to deal with disappointing our parents?
Lord, how can I explain that “I know want to know G_d” to a parent whom is convinced otherwise?
I am”the only unbeliever” in a family of believers.
The price of knowing God… I didn’t think the price had to be paid within our own families. I thought that was a safe place. I thought you put the lonely in families, not make the lonely in a family.
God, can I ever express all my love for You?
God, can I ever express all my love to my family?
God will I always be misunderstood, mis-colored, misread, and mistreated like this?
Yes. Oh Father, Have Mercy.
How can honoring God bring so much dishonor to a family?
I have shamed them. I have become an embarrassment.
I have brought tears to the mothers, and disgraced the name of the fathers.
Oh Father, Have Mercy.
Oh, how they have wept for me,prayed for me, turned away from me, loved me, resented me, forgiven me, rejected me.
Oh Father, Have Mercy.
I live intentionally. But I am “deceived by the world and directionless”
I live in celibacy, but I am “the worst of the whores”.
I live to know You, but I am “a sinner, unforgivable, and lost”.
I reject consumerism and the snares of modern culture, but I am “ silly, lazy, and immature”.
God, I pursue Your Truth, but I “live in lies, for lies, in love with lies”.
Oh Father, Have Mercy.
What have I done but lived? The Blood of Christ, the Blood of Family.
Oh Father, Have Mercy on us.
When did I last go to church? When did i last take communion?
Oh, if they only knew how much I live to revive my soul and make it One with You.
If they only knew the tongues I pray, and the sins I commit.
If they only knew my struggle, my true shames that you have sent away. My sin, cast as far as the East from the West.
Oh Father, Have Mercy.
Perhaps, they would not be wrong.
For I am a sinner, shamed, unworthy, and guilty.
But you have set me Free. But you have Forgiven Me. But you have Mercy on Me, a miserable Sinner. But you have Grace. But You are Love.
Oh Heavenly Father, I Shame my Family in Wanting to Know You.
Have Mercy on me, a Miserable Sinner.
Amen. Amen. Allelujah.
Thank the Lord that he is the one who knows you and knows his relationship with you. Thank God that He is our grace and judgment, not our parents or even our selves.
You are loved.
this is tough, olgie la lu lay… i’m sorry this is so difficult.
it is a good thing your family is not God.
it might be difficult to truly not care that they can’t accept your decisions, and it might be difficult that they judge you so harshly… but i am thinking of all the blessing you will recieve for being obedient. in some ways this is a test… who are you more willing to please? family? or God?
bless your heart, deeply.
i just pray for you to knoooow the peace in this time of war.
i wish that we were on a tag team in this wrestling match… we could have a cool high five and then lunge out and do ass kicking flips into the ring.
it’s just hard to have a me vs. them mentality, because it feels unnatural when it comes to blood family… but i can’t NOT have a me vs. them mentality, when there is obviously something wrong and i need to take a step back and separate.
i guess i can’t shake the idea that were are supposed to be on the same team, and each others #1 fans, shit, we should own the fucking stadium we compete in, and help each other out during the match… not pit each other against ourselves. come on, family!
thanks for being on my team, sweet sister marys.