don’t cry in public

i’ve moved to portland. i’m here.
at this very moment i sit on a sofa at Fuel Cafe, and leonard cohen plays in the air (isn’t it amazing how we can play music and it’s invisible as air? we feel things and we can’t see it)
i’m really just so happy. i am trying not to sprinkle [...]

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blessings are coming

do you ever have moments in life that are so intensely wonderful and joyous and hopeful that you just say to yourself “is this my real life?!”
5 days from today i’ll be in Portland, Oregon. living a new life. new joys, new sorrows (hopefully limited to one a month), new blessings, new knowledge, new NEWNESS, [...]

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hard travl’in

Somehow i feel goodness now when i don’t get what i want. It’s almost like fewer and fewer things can hurt me. And it’s not an idea or attitude, it’s actually a change I’ve noticed.
I have softened my expectations…. Not sure if that means i’ve resigned to pessimism or whatever that looks like (like when [...]

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i want to touch your elbow, Lord

lord! take possession of me!
i pray i would not protect myself against the impact of your love
but be foolishly joyfully taken by you.
i pray for the courage to expose myself to you.
i pray to become unconsiously naked before you.
trust issues and all.
take me and make place for me in your will.

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there’s a heaven, and there’s a star for you

I think if we got the chance to see/experience heaven, we wouldn’t want to spend even one more minute here on Earth.
 
I’ve read things, and heard testimonies in my childhood church of people that have seen/experienced Heaven… and they just talk about it in a dreamy way, trying to convince the rest of us how [...]

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The Blood the blood

not even noon on a monday morning, and i’ve already has an entire hour of being shit on. 
Lord, how are we supposed to deal with disappointing our parents?
Lord, how can I explain that “I know want to know G_d” to a parent whom is convinced otherwise? 
I am”the only unbeliever” in a family of believers. 
The price [...]

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lamentations can be good.

the wealth of spiritual poverty
the poverty of spiritual wealth…
lets pray for Him to be awe-fully close today.
this morning i was walking to the MAX and the sun hadn’t quite risen yet- the sky was not looking as spectacular as the rest of this week… but for some reason i just blessed it- ‘this day is [...]

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the discipline of the secret

today after work i have just stopped in at a little cafe really close to my house… i have this thing on my heart, that i just really really need to experience God.. like right now. i don’t know exactly where to go, or what to do, but i didn’t want to go home directly.
in [...]

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freedom in security.

“The Lord passed through the world, a figure of light and truth, sometimes tender, sometimes violent, always just, loving, effective, but not insecure. “If freedom is in thought, word, and action,” wrote Kahlil Gibran, “he was the freest of all men.” A word, a gesture, a few syllables traced in sand, a command like “Come, [...]

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There is nothing like the death of a friend.
Bitter words tug at my heart. 
The juice of my roots, the sap of my skin. 
I wish it weren’t so, but it happens more often then I’d like-
 the plain saddness of what comes along with the realization-
of what’s inside of me
of what’s wrong with what I’ve done.
That I could kill
That I could be [...]

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